I’m addicted to coffee. August 5, 2006
Posted by kangotang in Coffee, Humor.trackback
I’m addicted. Cold, hard, addicted. Those of you who don’t believe coffee is addictive have never experienced what is known as a caffeine headache. I’ve personally never done coke, but if its half as addictive as caffeine, my roommate’s screwed. (I might be in a little trouble for that one…) All of the normal warning signs of an addiction are there… I drink it everyday, I drink it alone, I drink it to feel good. I mean… it’s wreaking a totally insignificant amount of havoc on my already semi-moderately stressful life. What are the side effects? Let me indulge you my friend.
Coffee, or more descriptively the caffeine in coffee, is a stimulant. This means that it makes you feel very motivated and focused for about 45 minutes before your hands start shaking like you’re trying to jack off an epileptic midget. Why the vulgar analogy? Why not? Coffee is ruining my fucking life here people! Eventually the stimulating effects of the caffeine completely wear off and you’re left with a form of exhaustion known as a coffee hangover. The only remedy: drink more coffee!
Coffee has also destroyed some of my other simple pleasures in life. Such as drinking Mountain Dew, or any kind of soda for that matter. The sweet, bubbly goodness combined with stimulating feeling of caffeine used to be enough to make me feel like I could take over the world! Or at least have enough energy to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder instead of just setting it on the tank. For those science-y types, a normal cup of drip coffee has between 3 and 5 times the amount of caffeine as the same amount of soda. That means that soda, or at least a reasonable amount of it, isn’t enough for me to get my fix. It’s like Viagra for a cock-amputee; “Well, Jimmy, you’re on the right track there, but I think you might need somethin a little more powerful.”
So if coffee doesn’t really taste that good to non-coffee drinkers, how exactly does one become addicted? I’ll tell you. Iced caramel latte. All of the good coffee aroma with none of the bitter taste. Essentially you have enough caffeine to get a good, healthy dependency started without the jitters, or the warm brown liquid who’s taste can only be described by non-believers as “kinda like dirt.” It all starts the same. Your friends tell you they’re going over to Starbucks to hang out…. you know, throw back a few lattes, have a mocha or two…. get totally buzzed. You think, “I’m just gonna go to watch, I’m not gonna actually drink.” The next thing you know, you’re shooting espresso out of some girl’s cleavage while someone tattoos “robustos suck” on your forehead. And the worst part: you remember the whole thing the next day.
Go ahead, you. Make your sly jokes. Take your shots. So what if a coffee addiction isn’t “as destructive as an alcohol addiction” or it doesn’t “cause you to hit shit in your car.” In my opinion it’s every bit as bad, or worse. It’s the silent killer, baby. And I totally need another cup.
-C. Johnson
Caffeine does affect the brain, but its certainly something that you can wean yourself off very slowly, just start incorporating decaf into your coffee on a slowly increasing basis until you are weaned on it.
I am addicted to Coffee, I know this (in part becuase if I do not have at least 1 Coffee Per Day I know ALL about it). I know also that it may not be the healthiest drink in the world however for me personally (computer programmer) I am quite happy.
If this is the only thing I am addicated to in my life then I think I am doing pretty well. It is not hurting anyone else and it is a good social drink (I don’t drink Alcahol) but I can say for myself that Coffee has not done any nasty things to my life. I simply need to ensure that I have access to my drug of choice if I am going on holidays.
Karel: I couldn’t have said it better myself. The main intention of this post was a bit of humor; to poke some fun at myself and my not-incredibly-healthy, yet not-significantly-destructive habits. While I am most definately addicted to coffee, I have not seen any significant ill-effects, other than the jitters, and even those I can control simply by limiting my daily intake of this delicious beverage. I hope no one took this post as a serious cry for help!
I personally didn’t take it that way, I actually found this post by searching for Coffee jokes and when I read it I just couldn’t resist Posting
As an aside I think the people down at the local Coffee shop are getting to know me too well, I no longer have to actually place an order, I walk in and my order for coffee gets place without me even arriving at the counter.
I have also found that any Computer Programmer who doesn’t drink Coffee is someone to keep an eye on (not in a good way), only my experience, there are probably heaps of good non-coffee drinking Programmers out there, I just have not met any.
Mmm Time for more Coffee
Well, good to hear about you people, I am not alone. But coffee does have side effects. For women, it helps building up cellulite (toxins in the body) and this is just an example, there are many side effects. I am seriously trying to quit coffee at the age of 41. IFor once, I did not drink coffee for a year, and there was a HUGE difference how good, calm and beutiful I felt. I lost weight, too. I do not know why I started again. This is tough but I am going to make it.
Just quit drinking it. It’s as simple as that. Drink water instead. And for withdrawal headaches take asprin. Be prepared feel lack of any energy or motivation to do anything for a few days. I’ve went through caffeine withdrawal many times. Some from drinking caffeine, some from drinking them great energy drinks, some from drinking them both. The true only way to stop drinking coffee is to just say to yourself, “I want to feel unwired again, I’m going to stop now”. Don’t stop tomorrow, stop now.
yeh hi im adicted to coffe badly and im only 14 i get a frikin bad ass headache at about 11am if i dont drink any by then
I love coffee and is my drink of choice but I know I drink too much, on many occasions when i am in meetings or travelling and reduce my caffine intake for the day I get those coffee withdrawl headaches.
[...] cuma sekedar menghadiri hajatan sambil menikmati orgen tunggal. Dan meski saya juga bukan termasuk coffee-addicted, tapi lumayan cukub bisa menikmati kopi dan segala bentuk sublimasinya, baik kopi susu, kopi susu [...]
Well, you just managed to put my thoughts in to words:) Coffee is with out a doubt addictive. *Sigh*
I am sure that there are plenty of positives out there, but what have you seen for yourself? I really like your attentions to my circular clothes Wanna good joke? What kind of necktie does a pig wear? A pigsty.
Hahha, Brilliant post. Made me laugh.
Hell i am a coffee addict.
I think though that there are more pros to coffee than cons.
http://men.webmd.com/features/coffee-new-health-food
I just bought a new bag ‘ o coffee today and its just wonderful. Has quite a spicy taste as suggested by my work colleague and kind of christmassy.
I LOVE coffee lol
I’m coffee addict, Indonesia Coffee.
Love till do us parts